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WHICH ONE IS MORE PAINFUL: CALLING TECH SUPPORT OR ROOT CANAL?

Calling tech support can be a lot like going to the dentist with a toothache, whereupon the dentist pulls out one tooth at a time and keeps asking if it still hurts. He finally gets to the last tooth and says, “Ah, that’s the one.”

Tech support people fall into three major categories: those who know what they’re talking about, those who have no idea what they’re talking about but think they do, and those who know they don’t know what they’re talking about but want to convince you they do. It’s this last one you really have to worry about. They’ll keep you on the phone for as long as it takes to convince you that the problem is in your head and that your CD drive is SUPPOSED to sound like a washing machine during an earthquake.

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Question #1: If commercially prepared sour cream is cream that has soured, why does it have an expiration date?

Answer: Even though sour cream is the product of cream that has already gone sour, bacteria acts upon it and mold begins to form.

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If you are over forty, and have not realized that your mind is leaving you, perhaps the circumstances or situations have not been favorable to cause you to notice this phenomena.

For me, a ride on a barren interstate, car set in cruise and the radio playing oldies music provides the perfect setting for a mind-losing experience.

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The time you spend at an airport could cut days off your vacation.

This is the time of year when many people interrupt their busy lives to get away from it all. Some call it a vacation. Others call it “ten days at the airport.” The airlines don’t care what you call it as long as you’re literate enough to understand the meaning of the two most important words in the English language — “delayed” and “cancelled.” In fact, these two words are more important than learning how to use a life jacket. Because the odds of going down in a plane these days are very slim, due to the fact that the odds of going up in one in the first place is practically nil. But not fully comprehending these two words can mean spending days at an airport, literally not knowing whether you’re coming or going.

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Has the PC replaced the dog as man’s best friend?

The rapid development of successive generations of high-speed computer chips has brought with it a bounty of personal amenities and business aids ranging from efficient interactive multimedia games to instantaneous online banking and trading to speedy access of CD data. But this high-tech blessing has come with a high-priced curse — a humanization of and attachment to a machine, hitherto unparalleled in the annals of human history. If the personal computer hasn’t yet replaced the dog as man’s best friend, it’s only because nobody has yet figured out a way to get it to lick your face.

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Proper behavior on a date.

A formal date can mean different things to different people — a night out on the town, a Broadway play, a lavish meal, an intellectually stimulating encounter. Sometimes a date can mean nothing more than just getting out of the house. However, not observing proper etiquette can turn the courting process into something it should never mean to anyone — total disaster.

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What makes two people incompatible? How do you recognize the elements of incompatibility?

Many lucky relationships take off like a rocket and, in spite of occasional ups and downs, last a lifetime. However, a great number of relationships don’t fare so well. Why? What makes two people incompatible? How do you recognize the elements of incompatibility? And how do you avoid getting entangled in a no-win situation?

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