Things you have to know before:
Goobi is my cat and though he may be of the member of the cat family, he is also a member of “The Alvares Family”. To us, he is just like Hobbes is to Calvin.
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Every little thing is setting me off today: the little eight-year old, the little four-year old and the little two-year old.
Anybody want to rent a kid?
I know, I know. New parents and couples without children, especially those having a difficult time conceiving, say, “How can you even say a thing like that?”
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When you have toddlers ordinary things become tools for extraordinary purposes. Take crayons for example. When I was a toddler I enjoyed dropping them down the heating vents where they would melt and ooze into a rainbow blob. I’m sure my mother really appreciated my artistic experimentation.
I don’t, however, recall shoving them up my nose or in my ears as I have seen some of my children do.
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A LONG JUMP INTO MY 40’s, with a WALKING STICK June 1st, 1992 is a date that will live with me in infamy. That is the day I turned the big 4-0, and the day when I offered my son some pointers for his upcoming competition in the school’s track and field day. Notice, I did not say, “he asked me for some help.” Instead I offered, then begged, then coerced, and finally demanded that we go into the garage where he could pick up some valuable tips to better his distance in the standing long jump.
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Every little thing is setting me off today: the little eight-year old, the little four-year old and the little two-year old.
Anybody want to rent a kid?
I know, I know. New parents and couples without children, especially those having a difficult time conceiving, say, “How can you even say a thing like that?”
May you be blessed abundantly and soon know the answer for yourself personally!
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I got this Untimely Terrible Infection a few weeks ago. And like a brave mom, I tried to take care of my malady at home, quietly instead of with a quick trip to the doctor’s office. I drank gallons of cranberry juice and water and gained ten pounds but that didn’t save my kidneys from the spread of the Untimely Terrible Infection.
And wouldn’t you know it? My toddlers could all sense my pain…and they did their best to maximize it.
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Most of us would stop working if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that’s about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inevitable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the inevitable. I stare ‘The Inevitable’ in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to stop working, STOP WORKING I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have more time to devote to reading my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. Think about this when you see me on the ‘Today Show’.
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